I have to tell you though, I was extremely mad at this stomach virus. I mean, come on already, really? I don't know why, but I feel like since we deal with CF, all the other crap should automatically pass us over. Like the blood on the door frame during the passover, the rest of these illnesses should know we deal with CF crap on a daily basis and we should get passed over with things like the stomach virus.
My expectations of the weekend were ruined. I have serious issues with unmet expectations. I mean, serious. When things don't go according to what I had planned or what I think, it literally makes me come unglued. I know this, I work on this, but I have major issues with this.
We were able to go out on Friday, we went to dinner and a movie, a low key celebration. But it wasn't our actual anniversary. That night at about 12 when our smoke alarms decided to incessantly beep until we replaced the batteries, but ended up getting ripped off the wall, I was passing by Hannah's room when I heard...that sound. My head jerked around just in time to see her spew her entire nights worth of food all over her bed. Nice. Vomit.
I cleaned her up, Dave finished ripping the smoke alarms off our walls, and then I begged God to heal her miraculously so she could play in her first basketball game that morning and we could go on with our weekend plans. Twenty mintues later when she started heaving again, I knew my dreams were over.
I proceeded to pull out her trundle and get situated thus quarantining us to her room to avoid the spread of this horrible nasty. As I followed her to back and forth to the bathroom every 10-20 minutes with a bottle of lysol and container of clorox wipes, I just got more upset. This is ridiculous. I cannot believe she got sick.
As the night went on, and slowly at that, I continued to take care of my precious daughter who felt so bad. I was unable to sleep because of the frequency of her episodes, which only allowed me to think about all the things that wouldn't happen because of this stupid puke.
The rest of the weekend proceeded on with me cleaning up vomit, disinfecting, and trying to keep Kaleb and Dave at bay so they wouldn't catch it. The whole while, I continued to get mad.
On Sunday night, our anniversary, still in my PJ's from Friday, I lost it. With everything that had been going on, the unmet expectations, the sickness, being closed within the walls of our house with no break since Friday, no sleep and beeping stupid smoke alarms....Dave and I were at odds. On. Our. Anniversary. Happy 12 year Anniversary, I yelled.
Well, just in case you had the impression that our marriage was filled with rainbows, balloons, and constant happiness, I apologize for bursting your bubble. Life happens. Vomit happens. And Vomit doesn't celebrate anniversaries.
I locked myself into our bathroom and proceeded to cry like a teenage girl who was just dumped on Prom night. I sobbed. In the shower. Like a crazy person. I cried and cried, I tried to process it all. At that moment, my whole world was crashing in.
After a good cry and a deep breath, I got myself together. I cleaned my pathetic self up and adjusted my expectations. I started to process all that had gone on and put it back into perspective.
Here are some of my thoughts I had to talk myself out of insanity...
CF doesn't give you a pass, duh.
A tummy virus isn't a big deal, think about all Kaleb deals with.
Tummy viruses go away.
At least your husband already knows your nuts, so this won't be a big deal.
At least you have kids.
It was just one game Hannah missed, she can play in the other 7 she has.
You can go to dinner and celebrate your anniversary another day. A date is just a date. We celebrate the marriage, not the date on a calendar.
At least you are still married and have someone who will stick with you through it all.
I am not proud of my vomit induced insanity, but it happened. I have a feeling that some of you out there might an idea of what I am talking about. Some of you, if you are honest with yourselves, have probably experienced something similar. Just wanted you to know you are not alone in your insanity and that vomit doesn't celebrate anniversaries.
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